She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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