I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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