Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
