tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
