i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
