at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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