walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
