just come out here and I will go home with you...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
