Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
