The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
