i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
