Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
