Well apparently he's into motor boating.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
