he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
