from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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