so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
