Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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