I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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