I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
