the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
