My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Houston, we have a blender
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
