I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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