this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
