as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
