And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Randomize
