wakey wakey hands off snakey
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
