This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i need some magic done to my vagina
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
