big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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