He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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