Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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