my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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