she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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