You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
