shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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