We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
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please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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