Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
