Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
