is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
