Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
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Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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