this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
