he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
