OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
