he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
