I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he puts the penis in happiness.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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