fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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