Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
