she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
