: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
