Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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