What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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