So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
