I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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