I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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