just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
