; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
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Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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