I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
