meet me or not, i'm out of control
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
