he shaved USA in his pubs
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
