Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
