I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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