i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
