Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
