I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
