Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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