i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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