that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
