i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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