so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
40s are totally the cure
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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