i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
only you would photoshop your dick
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
