Michael Bay diarrhea
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
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