the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
