So drunk its hurt
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
