i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
