im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
