i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
