Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
