How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
is wine microwaveable?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
