seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
