Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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