im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
