Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
